If It's Not OK, It's Not The End
by iceniqueen
Summary: My own take on what we didn't see or hear before Caroline and Kate step out on their collision course, then we'll see where it leads ...
1. Chapter 1

**If It's Not OK It's Not The End.**

**Chapter 1 - Too many words unspoken. **

_The breakdown of Caroline's marriage – set as an introduction to Series 1._

Caroline sat in her study at home, a large stack of school paperwork needed urgent attention but her concentration was shot after more than a couple of large glasses of red wine.

They had all dined together earlier in the evening, Caroline trying to digest a few mouthfuls of food, with strong encouragement from her mother Celia who had now left the family for the evening and gone home to her flat next door to watch some TV. William was upstairs in his room studiously preparing for his A levels, Lawrence was at a friend's house supposedly revising for his exams and John, well John was gone. John had left, yes left them all – seemingly, for good.

He was gone from her daily life, gone from the boys they both adored and gone from this magnificent home that they had created between them and to Caroline's astonishment, she had not seen this breakdown coming. She hadn't picked up any signs or symptoms that the united and apparently happy family unit they all inhabited would soon be shattered by John's shock departure. And the family was shattered. The boys not wanting to speak about it after their initial shock and devastation and now not wanting to be too vocal about their father to avoid upsetting Caroline.

Was John, Caroline thought, just a shallow and deceitful bastard who had cheated on her and been found out? Had their marriage drifted into indifference a long time ago? Was it possible that some of the blame lay with her?

Knowing that she absolutely had to get some work done in preparation for an important meeting at school tomorrow, she pushed aside her glass of wine and tried to snap herself back into Dr. Elliot mode.

Sometime later, she heard Lawrence come home and shout a _"Night Ma"_ to her. She had then purposely gone into the kitchen, aware that William was downstairs in his PJ's hoping to have a hug with his mum before he turned in for the night. _"Night my precious boy" _Caroline was more than happy to let William envelope her in a warm and protective hug and only when he could feel that she was ready, he let her go. _"Sleep well mum."_ She kissed him tenderly on the cheek to let him know that she was OK and that they would be OK, eventually, when they found a new normal.

Words were not always necessary with William. He had always been a sensitive and intuitive boy, growing into a fine, tender and considerate young man, comfortable in his skin. He had real academic ambition. William had formed his own opinions with regard to his father and Caroline was all too aware what his opinions were.

She followed William back up the stairs to check in with Lawrence and to make sure that he was not on his X-Box but intending going to go to sleep sometime soon. Perching on the side of his bed hoping to have some sort of conversation with her youngest son, Caroline ventured _"How did your revision go?" _No response. "_Was it helpful having some time with Angus?"_ Silence. Lawrence clearly was not yet ready to resume their nightly chats.

This had always been the time of day when Caroline and Lawrence had all their best conversations. He would tell her about his day and she could try and surreptitiously check that he was keeping up at school. He was dyslexic and so had to try a good deal harder than a lot of his mates when it came to languages etc., but he adored sport and was a regular member of the Sulgrave Heath rugby team and very proud of the fact.

He had been deeply affected by the departure of his dad, his beloved Popsicola. Caroline sometimes wondered if he thought she might be to blame? He was so different to William but still very young and emotionally immature. He didn't want to talk and made that quite obvious to Caroline. Knowing that his lack of conversation may of course be that he was just at that very difficult age where any sensible speak was just not possible. "_Night night then."_ Caroline said gently stroking his cheek to let him know that she loved him, regardless; just as she closed the bedroom door she heard "_Night Ma"._

She made her way back downstairs to lock up, and collect her unfinished glass of red wine from the study, pack her papers for tomorrow and then she herself went up to bed. Tonight's routine now no different from all other nights since John's departure.

She knew she shouldn't really be drinking alone and in bed too, but she had decided that as long as this habit didn't become permanent, then she wouldn't chastise herself too much. And anyway - sleep was difficult to come by.

As she did most nights, Caroline sat propped up in bed thinking, thinking, always thinking. She wondered why even though she was clearly in a state of shock and distress at the sudden change in shape of her family and still aghast at John's outrageous deceit, that she was not feeling ... heartbroken?

She knew full well that their marriage was never a great love match, more a meeting two very bright individuals, both with ambition and the talent to match and they enjoyed each others company. They married without too much fanfare and then the boys came along. Her boys; that's how she had always thought of them.

When Caroline landed her prestigious role at Sulgrave Heath, they moved to this house, which was big enough to house Celia in the spacious annex flat. Caroline smiled to herself thinking about her mum. God, she could be so bloody difficult. She had an opinion on absolutely everything and was not good at keeping her opinions to herself. Even though this caused all sort of trouble sometimes, Caroline felt safe in the knowledge that her mum loved her and it was also really handy having 'Granny' around when parents evening kept her at late at school and John was away at one of his many literary events._ "I've always had my doubts about that silly drunken sod"_ was all she had said when John left.

Still thinking ... this role of head teacher had consumed her, she knew that, but she had managed to really put Sulgrave Heath on the map and people now moved to this area hoping to get their kids on the waiting list. She was made for this job and this school. There were minor difficulties sometimes for the boys being the sons of the headmistress, but they managed them. Life took a lot of organising but that was her forte and she had managed it all - hadn't she?

She and John had seemed fine although latterly he hadn't accompanied her to any of the special events at school and she just didn't have enough free evenings to be with him when he was out 'networking'. When they were home together John tended to watch TV whilst she worked in the study, keeping up with the masses of paperwork that were necessary to keep this school in tip top working order. Caroline couldn't ever remember the two of them having a night in just to be together. Still thinking ... she couldn't remember them having a night out either where they just ate and talked, together.

Still thinking ... "_we never bloody talked_" she inadvertently said out loud. Not only did she realise now that they didn't talk to each other, she couldn't remember when John had last looked at her - really looked directly at her, and even worse, sometimes she wouldn't even notice when John hadn't shaved for at least three days!

They did have sex, of course they had sex. John often pestered her when he was drunk and almost incapable of managing anything himself, let alone thinking about Caroline's needs and Caroline sometimes initiated things just to release some of the tension that she permanently carried.

Still thinking ... trying to make the blackout shutters come down on her mind in order for sleep to be possible. As she started to drift off, she thanked God that it was Friday tomorrow. John now picked the boys up from school on Fridays and took them home to spend some quality time together and maybe even rustle up something for them all to eat.

Caroline was going to spend her evening with the very lovely Kate McKenzie. With this in her mind she fell asleep. She was smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – The void**

Kate had sat at her dining table for the best part of two hours finishing her marking in preparation for 9F tomorrow. She was tired and her shoulders were stiff, so before she took herself off to bed, she decided to relax and play for a while.

Playing the piano had been both her salvation and escape for the past few years. It was easy for her to lose herself in her music. Often, she would start to play with a particular problem in her mind; by the time she was ready to stop, she would have dreamt the solution; she found peace and solace when she played.

Music coursed through her veins. Her dad had been a gifted musician and had happily given her piano lessons as soon as she was old enough to spread her hands wide enough to reach both the black and the white keys. He was patient and kind; never chastising her, simply nurturing this innate talent. She was a natural.

Kate loved all music; any genre; old or new; her own collection was very eclectic. Often on a Saturday morning, she would dock her iPod, put it on shuffle and find herself listening to The Kaiser Chiefs, followed by Nancy Wilson. Next up might be the haunting aria O Mio Babbino Caro; the words to which resonated deep in her heart. She had adored Montserrat Caballé since the summer of 1998 when she had been gifted tickets for Proms In The Park; when Caballé sang this aria on that very wet night, it felt to Kate as though London stood still; listening to it always gave her goose bumps.

Tonight she was feeling reflective; not miserable, just reflecting on things past and present and thinking ... thinking ...

She sat herself at her piano, adjusted her posture, laid her hands on the keys and breathed very deeply for a while; then started to play... Whilst she played she let her mind drift ... thinking, thinking ...

Kate McKenzie was now forty one years old; a gifted teacher, a brilliant linguist and a very accomplished pianist. Even though she was still fairly new to Sulgrave Heath she had already fitted in with remarkable ease; she was well liked by both the staff and students. She loved this job and looked forward to going in to school everyday to share her knowledge and enthusiasm with her students. They learned more than just their subject matter from her, and likewise, she from them.

She had moved to the area to try and leave some of the tragic events of her recent past behind and start her life afresh. The school was perfect for her geographically as it meant she wasn't too far away from her beloved mum.

When Kate's marriage to Richard had dissolved under the unbearable weight of their joint heartache, Celeste McKenzie had done her best to nurture her only child through the well of blackness that constantly threatened to consume her, but it was difficult from a distance. Now she revelled in the joy of seeing her daughter at least once every week and hearing all her news. She especially loved listening to all the news from Sulgrave Heath. Celeste had been a teacher herself and was delighted to be able to make comparisons with her own teaching experience. Once a teacher, always a teacher. She was a good listener too and never tired of listening to Kate. She loved her precious daughter without reservation. Her love for Kate was absolute and unconditional.

Living closer together meant they were now able to make regular joint visits to see her dad; he was suffering from Alzheimer's. His descent into the abyss of confusion and regression had been fairly swift. This awful disease had robbed him of both his memory and his dignity. He was occasionally lucid and alert, but more frequently didn't recognise either of them. Celeste had done her utmost to care for her husband at home but the instability of his condition had made it impossible and he now resided at a specialist care home. Kate had been a tremendous help to her mum whilst she adapted to a new but solitary daily routine.

Kate played on, still thinking ... thinking ...

She ventured back through the months since joining Sulgrave Heath; she often went through this thought process simply because she always ended up back at the same place - her first and only interview with the Head.

She remembered her astonishment at being shown into the inner sanctum, expecting a starchy introvert, professorial type and for some inexplicable reason she had been expecting Dr. Elliot to be a man...

When Caroline Elliot stood up in all her glory to come round to the front of her desk to greet Kate, she had found it difficult to contain her shock. This version of Dr. Elliot was fairly tall, blond, impeccably dressed in a black pencil skirt, a very expensive looking black and white check jacket, a fitted white silk blouse that exposed just a hint of cleavage and she had on the most glorious pair of heels. The heels just finished off the sex-on-legs look. Imperious, classic - but womanly. Oh my lord - she was womanly. As they shook hands, Kate detected the merest hint of Coco Channel. She felt a physical jolt. The attraction for her was instant, immediate, strong, heady and intoxicating.

Now smiling to herself - but still thinking, thinking...

The interview had gone really quickly and later the same day, Caroline had telephoned Kate to say that the job was hers for the taking. Should she take it though? That was going to be a difficult decision. Kate was switched on emotionally and very aware of her patterns of behaviour. Having experienced such a mountain of trauma and upheaval in recent years, she was just not sure if she wanted to knowingly open herself to such temptation.

Still thinking, thinking ...

She thought back to her four years with Richard; her soul mate. She had loved him very much, but knew deep inside that she had married him to satisfy her greatest longing. To fill the void. They had failed. _"Don't go there Kate - not tonight"_.

Still thinking ...

Since Richard, she had been open to experiment with her lovers; never having wanted to attach any particular label to her sexuality; preferring to think of herself as 'flexible'. She always let her mind and body wander where sexual encounters were concerned; never perceiving any real danger ... until now.

It wasn't long after joining Sulgrave that she had noticed small changes in Caroline's demeanour. When she strode around the corridors of school, inspecting, checking, her shoulders were not always back and square in her 'challenge me if your dare' mode. Those piercing blue eyes that knocked Kate dead at fifty paces now appeared a little hooded, perhaps from lack of sleep? Clearly all was not well with Dr. Elliot.

Still thinking ... remembering ...

Finding herself especially late at school one Friday afternoon, she decided to take the plunge. It was one of those 'it's now or never' moments. Beverley had clearly left for the weekend and to Kate's surprise the door to that 'holy place' was wide open. She gently knocked the door but crossed the threshold anyway.

_"Hello Kate - is anything wrong? It's quite late for you to still be here - especially on a Friday."_

_"Caroline - hello."_ she started tentatively ... _"This may seem presumptuous, and tell me to shut up if it is, but I've noticed that you haven't seemed your normal positive self just recently, and I was wondering if anything was wrong? If perhaps you might need somebody to talk to? If ..."_

Before Kate could get another word out, much to her astonishment, Caroline had started to cry.

Instinctively, Kate stepped forward to try and give Caroline some form of comfort, but Caroline instantly snapped to attention and up came the left palm to stop Kate in her tracks.

_"Thank you Kate. Thank you. Um, I um ... I'm OK, really. Thank you."_

_"Caroline, clearly you are not OK." _Kate surprised herself by being this direct. _"I don't want to pry, but sometimes - you know - a problem shared and all that... Would you like to talk about it, whatever's bothering you that is? Would you like to stop off somewhere for a quiet drink?"_

_"I really have to get home for the boys and I still have a report to finish." _

_"But what about you. What about a little time out for you Caroline? A bit of down time. Surely half an hour wouldn't hurt too much?"_

_"Thank you Kate. But no. I'm not really sure if it would be a good idea."_

Having waited for so long for this opportunity, Kate wasn't going to give up that easily.

_"What's not a good idea Caroline? Having some time out for yourself, having a quiet drink with a colleague? Giving yourself some time out?" _

There was a long pause and Kate decided that perhaps she shouldn't push this invitation any further.

_"OK then. I'll leave you to it."_ And she turned to leave.

_"Actually, I don't have to be home for the boys this evening and I suppose I could finish my report later. Yes Kate, alright, I will come. I think I would like that very much. Thank you. Tonight? Now?_

_"Yes - of course, if that's what you would like."_

They had met like this for several Fridays afterwards and Kate had learned a great deal about the Elliot household. How they lived in such pandemonium she couldn't imagine. Their timetables, the family dynamics, John walking in and wreaking havoc, full of alcohol...

Kate stopped playing...

It was time for bed. She had already whiled away an hour at the piano and she had a heavy day tomorrow - 9F.

And Caroline was coming to dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - A Minor Collision **

**It's Friday ...**

_"Hurry up please Lawrence, you're going to make us all late ... and don't forget your rugby kit for practice tonight." _

William was already in the hallway, bags packed and prepared for the day.

_"Morning mum. Feeling good this morning? Manage some sleep last night?_

_"I did thank you William." _Caroline smiled at her precious boy and continued ...

"_Now don't forget that your father is picking you both up from school sometime around five o'clock. If you finish choir practice before Lawrence finishes rugby practice, will you go and find him please? He'll probably take you to McDonald's or to get a pizza. I doubt that he'll want to risk Granny's sarcastic wit by spending too much time here._

_And Granny is just next door if you need anything later ... and you can always get me on my mobile."_

_"You can stop now mum. I'll take care of it." _William smiled at his mum looking at her for a little longer than normal.

_"What?"..._

_"Nothing. You just seem happy today. That makes me happy."_

At that point Lawrence came running down the stairs, bags packed and ready.

_"William will come and find you after rugby practice ..." _

Lawrence was beaming._ "Yes Ma, I know! It's Friday night and Pops is picking us up." _He loved their Friday nights_._

* * *

As they drove to school Caroline made mental notes of everything she thought was on her agenda today; ticking them off to ensure that she would be able to get away at a reasonable time. She was feeling ... different?

For the first time in ages she had slept well. William was right about that. She was quite looking forward to going to Kate's tonight; it would make a nice change to cooking for her and the boys and then the three of them going their separate ways in the house until bedtime. She also acknowledged to herself that she enjoyed her Friday night forays with Kate to the pub for drink and a chat; she had grown fond of her. Kate was always willing to listen.

The family breakdown, dealing with the boys and John's rejection of her, had all taken a toll on her.

* * *

Kate woke earlier than normal in quite a heightened state. She threw back the covers and headed straight for the shower; this would wash away any sleep gremlins and - she had things to do.

She needed to check the fridge (again) to ensure she had everything necessary for dinner tonight and she wanted to quickly create a new playlist on her iPod; all Easy Listening, nothing heavy, just background music. And check her stock of candles - Madagascan Vanilla or Frankincense? Napkins.

* * *

Friday mornings at Sulgrave always began with assembly. 'Thine Be The Glory' filled the hall as Dr. Caroline Elliot, her shoulders cloaked in her gown, strode purposely down the aisle to begin the school day. Her 'challenge me if you dare' poise was definitely back and very much in evidence.

Kate unconsciously moistened her lips as she fixed her eyes on Caroline in full majestic mode. "Thine Be The Glory" conjured up all sorts in her mind, but nothing remotely to do with this hymn. God she was excited. No, nervous. No - both. Oh just to get through this day! _"Breathe Kate. Breathe."_

* * *

Caroline was enjoying a cup of tea mid afternoon whilst she and Beverley were checking next week's diary, when the phone rang. Beverley went back to her desk to answer it.

_"Caroline - John's on the phone." _

_"John? John who Beverley?"_

_"Your John." _Beverley said, a little embarrassed. She wasn't quite sure how she should refer to him.

_"What the ... Whatever does he want?" _She had that sinking feeling that he might want to cry off tonight's arrangements. "_Put him through." _

_"Caroline, hello."_

_"What do you want John." _Never too many words_. _Self protection mode.

_"I was wondering, if ... if ... Will you be in tonight when I bring the boys home ... only I've got something I want to ask you?" _His tone was very conciliatory.

_"No John, I wont. I wont be in." _Caroline was a little surprised and taken aback at his soft tone. When he had left them, his tone with her was entirely different, supercilious, dismissive, and had been ever since.

_"Shall I wait for you then?"_

Armour clad and losing patience now_. "No John. You may not wait for me and I would rather you were in the house as little as possible. If there is anything you want to say to me, say it through the solicitors. I am putting the phone down now. Bye." _The nerve of him, she thought_. _Jerk!

* * *

Kate had some PPA time this morning which enabled her to finish some planning and get home by 4.30. By 5.30 she had sticky chicken thighs with crushed new potatoes and an exotic mix of tomatoes all pre-cooked, seasoned and ready just to finish off in the oven at 6.00. She had a bag of salad leaves which she would dress at the last minute. The dining table was laid ready and strategically placed candles were lit and already infusing the lounge with the cleansing aroma of frankincense, so, she went for a much needed soak and relax in the bath.

Having decided last night what she would wear she laid her clothes out whilst the bath was running. Out came a pair of skinny-fit jeans and a fitted cream soft jersey cotton top. To finish off her über casual look she had decided to wear her flip-flops; not forgetting a hint L'Eau D'Issey in all the special places. "_Hair up, hair down? Hmmm"_

* * *

Caroline also managed to get away as planned and made a quick detour into town on her way home. She thought she should at least take a bottle of wine tonight and maybe some flowers. As luck would have it she found a parking space right outside the florist. She bought a beautiful hand tied arrangement; nothing too big - just a token of appreciation.

The one and only Off Licence in town thankfully had a bottle of Tarrango; not her everyday supermarket plonk, but not outrageously expensive either; just a light bodied red, fruity with raspberries and redcurrants and just a hint of spice.

Now home to shower and change and hopefully avoid Celia.

* * *

Caroline had never been to Kate's before and was surprised that her house was so nicely situated. _"No driveway though. That might not do for me."_ The garden had been left for a while but the house looked inviting from the outside.

She was smiling as she walked up the path. It was 6.30 pm exactly as they had arranged, when she pressed the doorbell.

Although Kate had seen her arrive, she waited just a few moments before answering ...

_"Caroline, hello, come in ... please come in." _Her_ w_ide open generosity naturally showing in her smile.

As Caroline stepped into the hallway, surprising herself, she leaned in to greet Kate with a kiss on either cheek. This wasn't something that came naturally to her and ... she caught the essence of something really fresh and cool... and a beautiful soft cheek.

Kate was struck numb. For the second time she breathed in that heady aroma of Coco Channel. She was momentarily transfixed as she felt that same jolt shoot right through her body again. Quickly gathering herself she divested Caroline of her jacket.

_"I bought some wine to have with dinner and these are for you." _Handing Kate the flowers and the wine. _"It's red. I hope that's OK?"_

_"Caroline, thank you. What beautiful flowers. Come with me into the kitchen whilst I find a vase."_

Following Kate into the kitchen _"Something smells good. Can I do anything?"_

_"Everything is ready and we can eat whenever we like. It's just a tray bake with some chicken ... oh Caroline. I should have asked - you're not a vegetarian are you?"_

_"No. Nope. Definitely carnivorous." _She smiled – looking very directly into Kate's eyes. _"No allergies at all - with the exception of duplicitous, irresponsible soon to-be ex husbands. How about you?"_

_"Nothing that dramatic I'm afraid, although I am seriously allergic to nuts ... all varieties. A glass of wine for you then whilst I finish things off out here?" _

Kate opened the wine and poured a glass each; only half a glass for herself to make sure that she was in control of all her faculties.

_"Why don't you make yourself comfortable in the sitting room and I'll give you a shout when it's on the table?"_

_"Right, OK, I. As long as you are sure that there's nothing I can help with?"_

_"I'm sure." _

Whilst Caroline was gone, Kate dressed the salad, got the plates ready and desperately tried to collect herself. Caroline looked so different dressed casually. She too was in jeans with a pale blue loose shirt that accentuated her piercing blue eyes. Her shirt was unbuttoned enough for Kate to glimpse her freckled décolletage again and – that hint of cleavage. God this woman was glorious! _"Breathe Kate. Breathe."_

Caroline went back down the hallway and into the sitting room. She stood for a while just drinking in the atmosphere of this room. Bookshelves lined one wall and were heaving with books, CD's and family photographs were in abundance. There was a piano and Kate had some music on already, but it wasn't obvious where it came from. The lived in leather sofa and easy chair gave off a real invitation. This was a home. It was Kate's home. Everything about this woman seemed to live in the walls and furniture. Caroline felt absorbed by it.

Kate appeared - breaking Caroline's reverie. _"Are you ready to eat?"_

_"Famished."_

Through dinner they chatted about all sorts. Caroline regaled Kate with the fact that William had helped her mother set up her details on Facebook and she now had a 'pen-pal'; somebody that she used to know from her youth. And she was considering meeting up with him!

She was very generous with her compliments about Kate's achievements in the short time that she had been at Sulgrave Heath and was very vocal about the fact that she could easily become Head of Languages.

When dinner was over, there wasn't much to do that couldn't wait until the morning, so they took the remainder of the bottle of wine into the sitting room.

Caroline sat down first and chose one end of the sofa; she slipped off her wedges so that she could sit almost facing Kate; Kate had taken the other end and curled up with legs underneath her. Not too much distance between them.

Feeling a little self conscious all of a sudden Caroline said _"Oh, I love this song Kate. Remind me what it is?"_

_"It's Nora Jones - Come away with me. I love it too. It's a favourite of mine. Did you know she is the daughter of Ravi Shankar?" _

Without responding to the question and still feeling ... mildly nervous, Caroline launched in to repeat the conversation that she had with John earlier in the day. Throughout all their conversations about John she had slated him and his juvenile behaviour.

Realising that she was covering well trodden ground and was blathering ...

_"So tell me about you Kate. I'm not sure, apart from your academic achievements and your fantastic natural ability to teach, that I know anything about you?"_

_"There's really not that much to tell Caroline. I moved here to be nearer to my mum and dad it was a fresh start after my divorce from Richard."_

_"Oh, I see. I'm sorry Kate. I didn't realise that you had been married."_

_"It was fairly short. Four years that's all. It just didn't work out and we went our separate ways. We were really good together but there were a few issues which we just couldn't reconcile and so we parted. It was sad. Very sad. We were both deeply wounded but ... Richard has already married again."_

_"Anyone since?"_

_"For me - no. I have dated a few times, but nothing too serious."_

_"Nobody special in your life then?" _Now looking directly into Kate's deep brown expressive eyes.

_"No. There hasn't been for a long time. There was someone I grew quite close to, but we were geographically miles apart and it couldn't have meant that much because ... she is now settled with somebody else in a Civil Partnership."_

Caroline immediately swallowed the wine in her mouth to avoid it going down the wrong way and hoped that Kate hadn't seen her eyebrows almost meet her hairline.

_"I um, I hadn't realised that you, um that you were, that you like ..."_

_"Yes Caroline. I prefer the company of women. I know that for sure now."_

_"Right, OK ... well I guess whatever turns ... no ... that's good ... that you know who you are and ..." _It was beginning to dawn on Caroline what that_ 'different' feeling _from this morning was.

Seeing Caroline was struggling Kate interrupted -

_"It's just a different kind of connection Caroline; something much deeper and more profound. A different kind of closeness; more intimate. I hope you're not too shocked?"_

_"No ... not at all. Why would I be? I like it that you know yourself so well and have the courage to ... to ... to be ... true to yourself."_

They were looking directly at one another now and the space between them was highly charged - electric.

Caroline broke the spell.

_"Kate, it's nearly 9.30 and so I think it's time that I got home and touched base with the boys."_

_"OK then."_

Kate couldn't hide her disappointment; it felt as though the evening had just come to an emergency stop, but she got up from the sofa straight away and went to get Caroline's jacket. Caroline also got up and retrieved her shoes.

Kate politely held Caroline's jacket whilst she slid her arms in. As Caroline turned back to Kate to say her thank you, they were much closer than she had expected.

Their eyes locked. Kate leaned in to Caroline to kiss her goodnight on the cheek, but at the very last moment turned her head to offer Caroline her lips.

And Caroline responded.

Their lips touched very gently, tenderly. Kate put her hands gently at the top of Caroline's arms to draw her a little closer. They parted momentarily to look at each other and then Caroline closed her eyes and gave herself willingly to Kate's invitation.

The kiss was tender and meaningful, there was a deep longing. Kate put her arms right around Caroline now and Caroline responded by sliding her arms around Kate's waist.

The kiss got deeper; they were truly exploring each other now through this kiss, the most intimate of connections. The kiss was long, full of tenderness, longing and it was passionate. Kate was now truly lost in Caroline ... and Caroline knew absolutely what the _difference_ was.

_"I really do have to go now." _Caroline said in a choked whisper and slowly let her arms dropped to her side. Almost in surrender.

_"If you're sure?"_

_"I think it's best that I go home now."_

They walked into the hall and Kate opened the door. They stood looking and smiling nervously at one another.

_"I really have had a lovely evening Kate. Thank you." _

_"So have I Caroline. So have I."_

_"See you on Monday then?"_

_Yes, see you Monday Caroline."_

_"Bye then. Bye bye."_

* * *

Kate closed the door and decided that she would go to straight bed. She felt caught up in the middle of her own fantasy. It wasn't sleep she wanted. She was fully aroused and knew that she would have to find her own release.

* * *

Caroline drove home feeling full of emotion, full of confusion but with an absolute sense of déjà vu.

Celia was in the house when she got in.

_"Hello love. Had a nice evening? I'll take myself off now you're home. I'm only here because I saw John bring the boys back and he came in with them. I came in to ask him what the devil he wanted, but he wouldn't say and so he left."_

_"Thanks mum. He rang me today but I gave him short shrift. Are the boys OK?"_

_"Yes love. Lawrence is watching telly and William is in his room. I'll say night night then as we're going into town in the morning. Have you remembered?"_

_"Yes mum. No worries, thank you. Night night then, see you in the morning."_

Caroline went into the lounge to see Lawrence.

"_Hi Lawrence. Had a nice evening?" _

_"Yes thanks. Pops was in good form. We went for a pizza."_

_"I'm a bit tired darling so I'm going up - don't stay down here long will you? I've already locked up."_

Caroline bent down and kissed Lawrence on the top of his head and tenderly ruffled his hair and then went to find William.

_"Hi Mum. Good evening?"_

_"Yes thanks but I'm feeling totally shattered so I'm going straight to bed."_

William stood and opened his arms to Caroline for a hug.

_"Night night William."_

_"Night mum. See you in the morning."_

Caroline went to her bedroom and took her clothes off. She looked at herself in the mirror. She was naked, she felt naked and she knew...

She went to the bathroom to cleanse her face and clean her teeth and then she got into bed - still naked. She never ever slept naked - but tonight was different.

She lay in bed thinking ... thinking ... she knew that there was desire there; she had been full of desire for Kate tonight. There was absolutely no point in her trying to deceive herself. Having denied herself any form of real intimate contact for such a long time she decided on some self exploration. It was the only way she was ever going to be able to sleep tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - A major collision ...**

**Sulgrave - late lunchtime**

Caroline arrived at school. She was feeling exhausted but truly alive. The veil of depression that had engulfed her for months had lifted and now she was on a mission.

_"Kate, hello. Are you teaching? ... Good. Could you come to my office please? ... Yes. Now. Would you mind?"_

_"Caroline, we weren't expecting you! How's your mum?"_

_"Fine. Yeah._

_"Is she traumatised?" _

_"Don't know. I don't think so."_

Kate had arrived and Caroline nodded her through to the inner sanctum.

_"But I was ... but I feel, all sort of something else now. Exhilarated."_

_"Shock possibly. Can I get you some tea? I think Alison's just made a pot?"_

_"Has she, oh good ... yes ... thank you."_

Caroline walked in to her office, leaning on the door to shut it - very firmly.

_"What?" _

This was all Kate managed before Caroline pulled her in for a full mouth to mouth, woman to woman experience. Kate responded instantly. Her hands coming up to caress Caroline's face as they looked deep into each others eyes. Throwing caution to the wind, Caroline un-tucked Kate's blouse, exploring quickly, feeling the warmth of Kate's breast. Caroline managed to snap back into headmistress mode, before they went too far and quickly took a step back.

_I've told John."_

_"About us? _

Caroline was in full majestic mode now ... _"God, it felt good." _

Kate - unconsciously moistening her lips_ ... "Caroline ... do you want to come round tonight?" _

"Yep ... _You're very pretty."_

_"Am I? You're ... magnificent."_

And then feeling really bold ... she whispered in Kate's ear ...

**4 O'Clock at Kate's House**

Caroline arrived - exactly at four. They went straight into Kate's sitting room and this time Kate closed the door very firmly. They stood for a moment just looking at each other, then linking hands and leaning in, foreheads touching, anticipation quickly building ... and then ... Caroline's phone rang!

It was Gillian - Alan's daughter - wanting to know what size knickers Caroline's mum wore. By the time she finished the call, they were both in a fit of the giggles.

Then there was silence - they were once again standing, looking, expectant.

_"Would you like to come upstairs Caroline?"_

_Caroline cleared her throat ..._

_"I think I would. Yes."_

Once again, Kate divested Caroline of her coat, and boldly taking Caroline by the hand, led her upstairs to her own inner sanctum.

She stood, just for a moment, looking at Caroline; then started to undress, slowly, but not provocatively, making sure she didn't lose eye contact with Caroline.

Caroline stood, transfixed, eyes locked on Kate, unblinking, mesmerised. This mildly predatory version of Kate was now standing naked and Caroline, blown to smithereens was almost paralysed.

Kate, sensing her nervousness, stepped forward and began to undress Caroline; very deftly unbuttoning her shirt, whilst Caroline stepped out of shoes; her skirt was unzipped and she let it drop to the floor. Caroline stood - now just in her underwear, feeling somewhat embarrassed. She had never felt like this before ... vulnerable ... utterly exposed. She knew she was going to give herself to Kate; she was going to physically cross the line. There wouldn't be any guilt - she didn't do casual.

Kate sighed and stood back again, absorbing every inch of this magnificent woman; her scent, her curves, her delicious proportions, her womanliness. She was lost to Caroline now, completely, utterly and without reservation.

Taking Caroline firmly by the hand, she led them over to the bed, pulled back the duvet got in and still hand in hand, Caroline followed.

_"God Kate. I'm not sure what to do."_

_"Then let's just lie here."_

Under the safety of the duvet, Kate helped Caroline out of her underwear and they lay, bodies entwined. Kate was content just to hold this pale, silky smooth body, protectively, without expectation. Having dreamt about this moment since their first meeting, she was willing to wait.

Caroline lay with her head on Kate's chest, listening to her every heartbeat, drinking in the aroma of this exquisite woman, feeling the softness of her skin, already experiencing a deep intimate connection and aware that she herself was aching, swollen, all her senses fully aroused.

Kate waited ... and waited ... until her instinct told her to slightly shift her body. She was now facing Caroline, their arms still entwined, their faces searching, questioning. Kate's leg was between Caroline's. She could feel the warmth; the pulse, the throb.

Leaning over Caroline, she gently kissed that space just under her ear. Feeling Caroline's instant reaction, she moved her mouth further down Caroline's neck. Another kiss, this one a little more urgent, insistent.

Caroline responded immediately by pulling Kate further in. Their lips brushed together lightly and then Kate put her hand behind Caroline's head and their mouths came together, open, wet, tongues exploring. Both hungry. And both ready.

To Kate's surprise, Caroline moved Kate onto her back. She looked very directly into those glorious deep brown eyes and then placed her first kiss on Kate's left shoulder. It was a slow kiss, savouring the skin as her lips made contact. Then moved to Kate's underarm breathing in the heat, gently kissing places she had never dreamt of kissing with John; then down to her left breast. She took Kate's nipple in her mouth, gently drawing it between her lips and nipping it with her teeth. The temperature between them was rising rapidly and Kate was quietly on fire, but she lay, letting the responses of her body be Caroline's guide.

Caroline moved further down to Kate's belly, both hands gently tucked underneath Kate's hips. She kissed both hips, again and again, running her wet tongue across Kate's belly, between each kiss. Kate was beginning to moan. Hearing this was the green light for Caroline and she instantly moved her body, so that she could kneel between Kate's legs.

She kissed deep in each groin, breathing in the musky scent of Kate's sex; then using both hands she gently parted Kate's lips so that she could explore this mysterious, heavenly place. She ran her tongue over Kate's clitoris, taking in her heat, her wetness. It was intoxicating.

_"Caroline, Caroline, Oh Jesus Caroline! I can't hold on much longer; I need to feel you inside me now - right now. Please ... now"_

Caroline responded by slipping her fingers inside, still using her tongue to give maximum pleasure. Kate couldn't lay still any longer and she moved her hips to heighten the moment.

_"Oh God Caroline - I am going to come. Oh God. Oh yes - I am coming ..."_

Kate let out an anguished cry as she started to drown in a seismic climax. She was utterly overwhelmed, her body exploding with the enormity of the experience.

Caroline lay still. Leaving her fingers inside, but planting gentle kisses all over Kate's belly.

_"Caroline, come up here. I want to kiss you. I want to taste __**me**__ inside your mouth." _

Caroline gently withdrew her fingers and came back up so she lay supporting herself on top of Kate. With a half smile she ran one of her fingers between her own lips and then offered the other to Kate. Then she covered Kate's mouth with her own, tongues mingling, savouring this experience.

Kate - not wanting the magic to dissipate, moved so that they were now lying side by side. She took one of Caroline's hands and kissed the inside of her palm. Looking directly into Caroline's eyes she caught a hint of anxiety.

_"What is it Caroline?" _

_"I want you so much Kate. I want you now ... but ..."_

Very gently_ ... "But what ... tell me. Just say it ... whatever it is."_

_"I want you to make love to me Kate, but I just don't know if I am ready to let you ... to let you ..."_

Knowing exactly what Caroline was trying to say, Kate drew her in for a gentle kiss.

_"It's OK Caroline. We don't have to do anything you aren't ready for. We can just ... mess around a little ... if you prefer." _

This was said with a half smile and a mischievous glint in her eyes.

She carried on kissing Caroline with closed mouth kisses; down behind her ear again and tracing her mouth all round Caroline's neck. Once again Caroline responded by pulling their bodies tight together and Kate eased her leg between Caroline's. Caroline was clearly still aroused.

Kate's free hand roamed all over Caroline's body, feeling her shoulders, down the outside of her arms, over her buttocks. Then she let her fingers slide over Caroline's mound and down between her legs; gently teasing. She knew what Caroline wanted but needed to hear her say it. She stretch up to whisper in Caroline's ear ...

_"Tell me Caroline. Just tell me."_

_"Just do it please Kate ... Do it now."_

_"What do you want me to do Caroline." _

_"Do it now Kate. Do it quickly. I need you to take me right now."_

Quickly sliding her fingers inside, Kate could feel that Caroline wasn't far away from coming; her knees were gripping Kate's leg and urging her to work harder, faster.

Caroline rocked her hips as the sensation built. She pulled Kate in tight to her, kissing her cheeks, her neck, her shoulders; her excitement building, rapidly.

Kate could feel Caroline contracting as she started to erupt.

_"Oh dear God. Oh no. Oh no." _

Caroline was lost in a sea of emotion that completely overwhelmed her ... and then the tears came.

_"Caroline. Oh Caroline. Speak to me."_

But Caroline couldn't speak.

Kate just held her tightly. Protectively. And they lay together until some calm was restored.

Caroline had crossed the line forever. She knew that she would never again make love with John. Her life was changed irrevocably and she would never want to make love with anyone ever again - except Kate McKenzie.

They slept for a short while still entwined, but time was passing and Caroline knew that she would have to get dressed and return to Conway Drive to face John.

_"Kate - I have to go. I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you, but I have to go home."_

_"I don't want you to go. I don't want you to ever go but I know you have to."_

Caroline got out of bed first and Kate followed. They got dressed and went back downstairs in absolute silence. Once again, Kate helped Caroline into her coat and they stood and held each other in a tight intimate embrace, both trying to hold back their tears.

_"Goodnight my darling Kate."_

With a raise of one eyebrow ...

_"Goodnight Dr. Elliot." _

And Caroline left.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - Carnage **

_"Are you dumping me?"_

_No, I don't think so. I don't think anything every really got started. Just a few embarrassed fumbles."_

And that was it. It was all over - again.

Caroline packed her things and left the hotel immediately.

Kate was going to stay for another night - and so was Greg.

* * *

Kate had been living at Conway Drive for quite some time and would have to face the pain of retrieving all her belongings. She was dreading it. She had crossed back over the line to satisfy that all consuming desire for a child of her own. Her emotions were raw, parts of her body were still raw and she had betrayed the love that she knew lived deep inside; that place in her heart that would belong to Caroline forever.

The following Monday Kate left school - once again at four o'clock, but this time there was no excitement, no anticipation.

She let herself in, hoping the house would be empty - but William was home . His exams were finished - his school days at Sulgrave Heath had already ended.

_"Hi Kate, want some tea?"_

Neither of the boys were aware that even though Caroline had come home from their weekend away without Kate, that their relationship had finished.

_"Thank you William, but I'll pass if you don't mind. I've just come to collect some things to take home."_

_"Are you alright Kate? Are you and mum OK?"_

_"Actually William, I'm really sorry to say that we aren't OK, but best if you speak to your mum about it. Would you mind? "_

_God this was going to be difficult_. Making a hasty trip up to Caroline's bedroom, she swiftly packed her clothes and removed all her toiletries from the bathroom. Everything in this room was all that Kate loved about Caroline. Their clothes mingled together hanging in the wardrobe; that subtle but intoxicating scent that lived in this room reminded her of their very first meeting; she had been hooked from day one.

Kate sat on the bed, knowing that Caroline had slept there last night and the night before - alone and almost certainly very miserable. She had told Caroline, with more than a hint of sarcasm, to grow up, but knew in her heart that Caroline had just needed more time to process everything that had been suggested.

But she was determined that the pandemonium that existed in this household; the issues with Lawrence, the intransigence of Celia, the inability of Caroline to acknowledge their partnership outside the four walls of this house, was worth the pain of parting. Taking her bags downstairs she called to William _"I'm off then William."_

William appeared arms outstretched and held Kate in an emotional hug.

_"Please don't leave us Kate. Mum really does love you, you know." _

With tears welling, Kate hugged him back, gave him her front door key ... and left.

* * *

When she got home, Kate took her things upstairs but didn't attempt to unpack. She thought she should try and eat something because she had already passed on both breakfast and lunch today. She opened the fridge to look for something that might stave off her hunger pangs without testing her digestion; the fridge didn't offer anything tempting at all. It seemed to just glare back ... open ... and empty as a stark reminder that she hadn't slept here overnight for weeks.

Back upstairs then to unpack, shower and change and ring for a take-away.

After eating alone for the first time in many weeks, Kate was acutely aware of the deafening silence, the lack of company and the absence of continuous banter that existed at Conway Drive ... and ... there was no Caroline.

No more easy nights just lounging together in each others arms; or with Kate's head on Caroline's lap and Caroline gently twisting strands of her hair whilst they talked idly together; talked about the future, whether they could stay on at the big house, the possibility of buying something completely new between them. They talked about Celia and her reluctant acceptance of the fact that Caroline and Kate really did love one another, and if she did want Caroline to be happy, she had better get used to it.

Deciding against playing the piano, she put some music on and lay out on the sofa to try and relax. _Breathe Kate, Breathe_. She lay there for some time and then All Of Me by John Legend started playing -

_'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
Cause I give you all of me  
And you give me all of you, oh_

_How many times do I have to tell you  
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too  
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood  
You're my downfall, you're my muse  
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues  
I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you_

Kate was utterly undone by the words to this soulful song that completely spoke her truth.

She had gone away anticipating spending two gloriously indulgent nights with Caroline; hoping that she might finally let the last barrier down and finally feel relaxed enough to give herself up to Kate completely; but Caroline had booked two rooms. Kate wasn't taking prisoners on this occasion. She had blatantly disregarded Caroline during dinner when Greg arrived on their first night, then dismissed her the next morning with the most cutting rebuke about their lovemaking. She also announced that Greg would be staying an extra night and they would 'make a start' on the baby front.

She was now deeply regretting having consented to sex with Greg. She felt utterly violated and physically repulsed. Greg had been happy to oblige and really enjoyed dispensing his sperm in familiar territory, and not only once.

All this suffering to try and satisfy her deep longing for a child and with an absolute disregard for Caroline's feelings. She had so wanted a baby, but she wanted above all for any child of her own to belong in a lifelong relationship with Caroline.

Avoiding Caroline at school was going to be difficult. Averting her gaze when the magnificent Dr. Elliot entered the School Hall for morning assembly would always be a stark reminder of what she had loved so much, but dismissed so easily.

She took herself to bed to try and rest. _Breathe Kate, just breathe_ ... but she was too overwhelmed and a waterfall of tears came. Sleep was a long time coming.

* * *

Caroline came home and prepped the dinner for her and the boys. Lawrence had been very quiet on the way home - no talk of rugby or his day. She didn't want to bring up the subject of her and Kate as she wasn't quite sure where Lawrence was with his feelings about Kate. It was confusing for him as John was still living with them ... intermittently.

William came into the kitchen ... "Hi mum. How was your day?"

Without turning around .."Oh you know ... assemblies, meetings, troublesome parents. Nothing out of the ordinary."

Her body language gave her away completely and William came and stood beside her putting a protective arm around her shoulders. _"I know mum. Kate has been already._" Then just a whisper ... _"I am so sorry."_

Caroline fled upstairs to avoid William seeing the full extent of her distress. She laid on her bed and wept. How did she let this happen? She had taken Kate - the light of her life away for a two night break to celebrate her forty second birthday and she didn't have the balls to book a double room! What was she thinking? God almighty - they had slept together at Kate's; in this house with John next door and the boys across the landing; what did it matter if anyone else knew? But she couldn't bring herself to correct the young man on reception who had called her Mrs. Elliot when she had made the booking. When he heard the guest names he assumed that two rooms were necessary.

Kate had rightly been furious and everything went downhill from there. Caroline had tried to make amends by going to Kate's room much later, and then once again later still - but Kate didn't answer.

But it was the words that Kate had spoken in the morning that had wounded her so deeply. When ending their relationship she had said that nothing had got started except ... "_a few embarrassed fumbles." _

They had shared the most intimate moments that Caroline had ever experienced. They had tasted each other. Kate had given herself without reservation and even though Caroline still hadn't been quite ready to do ... to do ... that thing that she still couldn't verbalise, she had been happy to pleasure Kate in every way.

Caroline knew that it would have to be a 'forever' moment when the time came to fully give herself to Kate.

She lay there looking around the room. Kate's presence in this room had been clinically excised and Caroline felt as though her chest had been cleaved open. Her pain was both physical and excruciating.

Her heart truly broken through her own fault - she cried out loud - tears of anger, tears of frustration, tears of sadness, tears of loss.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - The Seed**

_"Sorry - Hello. Beverley said you might have a few minutes. I can come back later?"_

_"No. No - come in."_

_"Ok ... well ... Amazingly, I'm pregnant ..._

Caroline barely registered the words that Kate had spoken. She felt only the physical pain as a thunderbolt hit her chest and laid it open for only the second time in her life. She looked at Kate but didn't really see her; she heard the words but almost without comprehension. _Oh God - the pain_. It was excruciating.

She had realised a long time ago that the seed of love had been planted deep within her heart and the separation from Kate that she had endured since the disastrous birthday weekend, had done nothing to stop the seed rooting, growing and taking what felt like a stranglehold on her feelings.

All Caroline could manage to say to Kate was _'You will have to leave it with me." _and a very emotional but polite _"Congratulations" _ as Kate left her office and gently closed the door.

The pain and feeling of desolation was so intense that she couldn't hold back her tears of agony and desperation.

Shortly afterwards, Beverley put her head round the door to enquire if her boss was ready for her afternoon tea. She was clearly shocked and very moved to see Caroline in such distress.

_"Oh Caroline, whatever is wrong? What can I do to help you?"_

There was a knock at the door and Beverley quickly moved to open it and step outside to protect Caroline's dignity. She dispatched the staff member abruptly and immediately made some strong tea for both Caroline and herself. Taking tea together was not something that they regularly did but this was one such occasion when Beverley decided she was the boss - albeit temporarily.

Caroline had got up from her desk and moved to the window and was clearly trying to compose herself but struggling badly. She turned when Beverley came back in, trying to speak, but couldn't.

Breaking all the taboos between boss and secretary, Beverley put the tray down on the table and went and put her arms around her boss ... and there they stayed while Caroline wracked with the pain, let her tears flow.

Eventually ... _"Kate is pregnant."_

_"Yes, I guessed as much. The grapevine has been working and so I know she has been suffering a little with morning sickness. Come on now Caroline, surely there must be a way that the two of you can work this situation out?"_

Caroline's body language clearly reflected her shock at this question.

_"You mean you know? How did you know? We haven't been together for nearly three months and I had no idea that anyone else knew?"_

At this point Beverley moved over to the table and poured them both some tea. They sat for a short time in companionable silence whilst Caroline finally managed to compose herself.

_"Caroline, I know that we haven't worked together for that many years but do you think I didn't notice the change in you when you and Kate first started your Friday afternoon meetings? After a while, I made sure to be out of my office every Friday at 4.30 to leave the coast clear for you. You evidently enjoyed each others company and ... Kate being an ... umm ... you know ... is an open secret at school._

_To be perfectly honest Caroline, I think some of the members of staff and even some of the pupils have also put two and two together about the two of you.."_

_Thinking, Thinking_ ... Caroline was recalling a conversation with Lawrence one morning on the way to school. She had told him that she was taking Kate away for the weekend and Lawrence had simply said ...

_"Why don't you and Miss McKenzie drive to school together? Everyone knows you know and you'd better stop kidding yourself cause you just look like a hypocrite; which is not a cool message to be sending out to the 2.7% of kids in this school who will one day turn out to be muff munching shirt lifters."_

_Beverley continued ..._

_"You changed a great deal once you got over the shock of John leaving and then when you and Kate started ... liaising, well, you changed again. Everything about you changed. Your mood lifted and you seemed a lot happier in yourself. And then all of a sudden one Monday morning, you were back, encased in headmistress mode and nothing else. Clearly something had gone drastically wrong."_

_"Oh Beverley ... This baby that Kate has waited so long for was going to be our child. It was going to be part of a new family and now ... However will Kate manage on her own. However will I manage watching it growing inside her and not being any part of it? I can't even bear to think about it."_

_"You know Caroline, these things do have a strange habit of working themselves out. Maybe if you give Kate time and space to get accustomed to her pregnancy, she may have a change of heart. Help her plan her maternity leave. Show her that you will help in any way you can without any strings maybe?" _

_"I think she has definitely made her mind up about me already Beverley, but thanks anyway."_

Inhaling deeply she snapped back into headmistress mode, got up from the table, gave Beverley a warm smile, but clearly this conversation was now over. Realising that she was being dismissed, Beverley stacked the tea things back on the tray and went back to the outer office.

When Kate got home from school that evening, she was still reeling from the conversation with Caroline earlier in the day.

When she spoke those words to Caroline, she had seen beyond the headmistress and had looked directly into the piercing blue eyes of her former lover. Caroline had looked down immediately to protect herself and none of this had escaped Kate. And ... when she left the office, she heard Caroline gasp for breath and knew without doubt that her composure was shattered.

For three months they had studiously avoided each other and whenever that was not possible, Kate had been short with Caroline, almost to the point of being rude.

She knew that Caroline was hurting badly; she deeply regretted having disregarded her opinion about trying for a baby; she had tried her best to pretend that it had been OK to have sex with Greg, never really comprehending that she might get pregnant, or worse still, how she would have felt if sex with Greg hadn't left her pregnant! What then? Absolute violation ... for nothing.

_Breathe Kate, breathe ..._

She had freely given up her chance to be with Caroline in order to fill that deep void within. She had let her go, dismissed her in fact. Caroline the Headmistress, Caroline the woman, the person who had stolen her heart the day they met. The woman who had such an effect on her that it was physically painful to endure.

Now that Kate had this seed germinating inside her belly; a seed that needed nurturing, protecting and a peaceful haven to reach full term, she was prepared to go it all alone. She was cautiously optimistic about this, her fifth and last ever attempt to deliver a healthy baby. She **was** going to have a baby this time. She was not going to miscarry because she had been willing to sacrifice everything to ensure that this child growing inside her, was going to be carried for the full nine months and be safely delivered.

Then the void would be filled - wouldn't it?


End file.
